Communication is the key :)

Text to @luckysox:  “So I started reading this book called The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory, it’s pretty good so far, it’s on my google books page if you want to read it too"

Response:  “LOL Wow that’s funny.  I was just reading about some good books to read”

                It IS funny; it’s funny when you consider where we were two years ago, sexually open and emotionally closed.  The more and more we talk openly about this new adventure the more comfortable the conversations become.  Are we Poly now?  I don’t think we can say that for a fact, as neither of us has developed those foundations with others yet. 

YET.  The road I am currently on is moving that way and I am fucking excited about it.  He is a truly incredible person and I am honored to have caught his eye.

Of course, trying to define each poly relationship into one term is impossible because of the diversity of each individual practicing the “lifestyle”.  Cultural, moral and spiritual upbringing chisels each of us into the magnificent creatures we are now, why try and contain that into one box?  Unfortunately, those chisels are flawed and we sometimes are stuck with distorted pictures of ourselves battling what we know isn’t FOR us or what we are supposed to do.  I’m married; I’m supposed to only love my husband, right?  Ask me that question 6 months ago and I would have agreed (only in my individual case... I never judged anyone’s lifestyle choices).  My husband is the most important thing in my life and nothing could ever change how I feel about him, and how I have chosen him as my life partner through thick and thin, forever and ever.

Over the last few weeks as these lovely events have unfolded there has been some taunting, of sorts, between us.  At first they were taken seriously, as to make sure the other is OKAY with the silly remarks or gestures regarding possible partners.  We would joke, and then discuss seriously what that meant by that.  He may make a cute side remark about my “boyfriend” or something alluding to that title, or tell me that he bought me something I should wear for that boyfriend.  Hmm.. How things have changed in a few weeks.  To be honest, I’m loving the fantasy of actually DOING that and then telling my hubby about it when I get home.  The only thing that makes this fantasy even better?  It’s actually going to happen.  *insert happy dance here*

                Not only are there fun times ahead, but certainly challenges from all sides.  I am preparing myself as much as I can in such a novice place as I am in at the moment.   What will it feel like the first time we are apart with others?  Should we do it on the same night?  We’ve debated this a few times.  I’m of the opinion that it probably SHOULD be at the same time.  This way, nobody is left home alone with nothing but their thoughts to run ramped through their brain like a bunch of wild monkeys on a meth binge, which will never end well.  We do have the freedom of no children at this moment in time, so let’s take advantage!  The thought of Luckysox going out without me actually excites me, more so than I thought it would.  I know there are deep seeded areas of him that I cannot satisfy, and the same is true in reverse.  Does it make me love him any less?  Absolutely not.  It makes me appreciate his incredible depth and willingness to explore this new path with me.  Can you imagine a person who is so fulfilled on so many levels being your life partner?  I CAN!!!!

                I have a very good feeling about 2013… New year, new opportunities for growth in multiple areas of my life and greeting each and every one of them with an open mind, open heart and a hot pair of heels.

               

Lovely reminder

“I, with a deeper instinct,

Choose a man who compels

My strength, who makes

Enormous demands on me,

Who does not doubt my

Courage or my toughness,

Who does not believe me

Naïve or innocent, who has

The courage to treat

Me like a woman”

-Aanais Nim

Where to start...

So I’m not sure exactly where to start.  How do you just all of a sudden start a blog?  I’m definitely not gifted as a writer, so my apologies from the get go if I completely bore you or lose you.  More than anything, I am starting this blog in order to sort out some feelings and situations that are currently swirling around inside my head with no feasible way to escape without rage flipping a table or something equally as violent.  On the brighter side, it’s nice to get the pleasant feelings out without looking like a complete lunatic skipping through the parking lot with a tellatubby on one arm and a rainbow wrapped around the other.  This seems much more efficient, indeed.

Almost 5 years ago now (wow!) I met the man I will spend forever with.   He can gun you down with his baby blue eyes in 2.1 milliseconds, and once he flashes those dimples…forget about it.  You’re done; in other words he is incredibly handsome and I still get butterflies every day.  Not only is he easy on the eyes, but he has one of the most beautiful hearts and minds I’ve ever met, my husband will give you his last 50 cents, the shirt off his back, the dirty sock off his foot if you needed it.  Needless to say, he stole my heart and has kept it VERY safe over the years.  I am forever grateful to have this amazing gift of a man in my life and I can only hope I make him half as happy as he makes me.   I look forward to growing old and senile with this guy… seriously.  We are going to love and grope each other until we don’t even know each other anymore.  I’m a lucky girl.

That being said, I've had my fair share of run in's with less than desirable men.. who hasn't?  I was married before, didn't work, blah blah blah... I moved on, lost a bunch of weight and gathered myself back up for my life to begin anew.  I made the decision to move to Seattle and have a little adventure while I had the opportunity to.  I packed my car to the brim and drove up the coast with nothing but high hopes and a job waiting for me.  Seattle is a gorgeous place, the people are beautiful, the city is stunning and the music is off the hook.  There is a small town feel to most of the neighborhoods, one of which I fell in complete love with.  Capital Hill.  This is where I met Mike.  Mike is a handsome journalist, light brown hair, blue eyes a heart the size of Washington state, itself.  He could have played the lead role in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas without a hitch...He was my first run in with anything kinky related.  He had a fantasy of wrestling with baby oil!  YAY!  Who am I to deny such a fantastic fantasy with such a delicious person?  It was fun, really fun.  I still say I won... but he disagrees ;)  I believe this moment in time was when I realized that I needed something more than what I was used to, exactly what that was continued to be a mystery until I moved back home about 3 years later and met Rich.  It was then that I realized what I needed.  I needed him.  I needed his erotic mind, open arms and firm grasp on my hair.  I didn't want to be romanced at the time, I wanted to be man handled.  I craved it more than air.  BDSM fit the bill, more on that in another post.

My husband posted a blog today about our relationship blossoming a bit and taking our sexually open relationship, to a open-polyamorous relationship.  Scary thought.  Sure, it's scary but for so many, it's extremely rewarding and can add so much to your primary relationship.  I am REALLY rusty at this whole dating thing... I'm surprised my interest hasn't ran full speed in the opposite direction screaming NOOOO!!!!!  I really couldn't blame him, I feel like an awkward babbling school girl with a crush.  I guess I'll learn as I go.  I'm excited for this new adventure and I intend to use this blog as an outlet to sort through this whole thing.  

All I know for sure is that my life is beautiful and I only plan on making it more lovely.